I have suffered and have asked God many times why do I need this? Why do I have to feel all this pain and the pain of others? Why would I need to have this experience? Does this make me wiser to seek more truths? Has this brought me to my current destination of healing others? What I realized was God is teaching me all aspects of me and that God is not separate from me but that we are one.
I was abused as a child in many forms. This isn’t to blame or shame my parents or my abusers but it is a fact of my expression to my true self. I have been through more, have felt my heart ache not just for my pain but for everyone around me. The hardest part is explaining this. My gifts did not make me special nor do I look at them currently as a means to get added attention, but more as a means to help people through their pain as well. But in order to do so I must release all judgements of how I perceive experiences to be.
My intuition is my guidance; if I do not listen to my expanded self I then become unaware of what to learn. I am still the student of God. I meditate daily to come into my body and realize that the universe and God exists within my being and that we are one. The world is a mirror and all of you are of me and me of you. Every aspect, every experience is an extension of self. The person I hate, is me. The person I walked away from, is me. The food I eat, is me. The pain I see, is me. This is our truth. To live it is another.
After 7 years of being, living and breathing this journey – although it starts from the moment you breathe life and then choices are created for contrast – I realized that I must surrender to the “higher power” which in most perspectives is God. Understanding this and the unity of God not being a separate being of me, I had to surrender to myself. This has been the continuum of my last three months.
If you’ve read my pervious blogs, my root chakra and sacral have been healing. The divine feminine aspects of love, emotions, pain, sexuality, creation and fertility all of which embody MOTHER EARTH and creation have been my challenges. This separation of self started the minute I was born. I was separated from my mother and for at least 24hours she was not allowed to touch me, bond with me and create connection. This plays a role in my ability to have created the connection back to myself. My mother was the representation of the universe, God, delivering my salvation. This created the separation of self and the suffering.
Three months ago, as my timely menstrual cycle arrived, it had been late a week as I aligned with a different moon cycle. This specific cycle had to do with death and rebirth. As this cycle should, it felt different. Not a normal pain or cramps but an aching so deep within my being that I literally curled up in a ball and moaned and cried in pain. My throat chakra was activated and my inner child screamed “no, no, no” countless times. The pain was so severe that I asked my guides to knock me out, but they whispered I needed to know and hear so they stood by me holding me tight and allowing me to feel for the first time fully supported. Forty-five minutes later, it ended. I stood up and realized I had an aspect of myself surrender and die and New Me emerged.
God is not separate from you but one with you. You are part of this whole experience. My connection through my rebirth made me realize how connected I really am to all aspects of my being. I honour that and I honour you. We are all in this together.
May love and light guide you home