A letter to my mom..
From the moment I chose you to be my mother I knew that we would have to learn from each other. You carried me in your womb and you were so young, you had fear of being a mother and had no idea what unconditional love felt like. You suffered in an environment where you weren’t seen and the mention of you being pregnant wasn’t treated with open arms. You feared you had made a mistake, loving the wrong man, moving away from your family but all you wanted was love and all I needed was to be loved.
Mom, our struggle has been real; our fights have brought us both into tears. As a little baby stripped from your arms and you surrounded by your blues, we were doomed as we never imprinted or created our bond. This issue created trauma, an imprint that caused me to seek love from others and reject yours as I grew. Your temper was harsh and my fear and anxiety grew. You were just trying to do your best, I can forgive you now. I realized my pain was real and that your cycle and mine were one of the same. I took the steps because I didn’t want to avoid any more, I needed to heal my anger and fear.
My journey began and my awareness grew, I even decided to change my world by helping those in the same shoes. I hated you, and I know hate is such a strong word, but I did. I felt betrayed, and all your words cut my heart into pieces. It took years to get to a point of forgiveness, not towards you but towards myself first. I realized your struggle, but I needed to validate my own first, I had to parent my inner child and create trust within because I never knew how that felt.
I have devoted my life to healing myself, but what I realized is I’ve devoted my life to healing us. The part of me I have rejected, is me; which is you. I am your extension in life. It took me years to understand, and at times I still get frustrated but I get it now.
You are here for me to learn, to grow and to guide others.
Mother, I’m sorry for what you went through as a child. I know you struggled a lot, the difference is the cycle ends with me and a new cycle will begin. You will have a second chance one day, a grandchild and you will make the right choices this time and I will mother the emotional intuitive way.
So, mom thank you for teaching me how to be sensitive because of all the hurt I saw. Thank you for putting me down so I can inspire and lift others, thank you for constantly comparing me to others, because now I lead those in pure confidence of myself.
The message is, we passed our test . Through our negative experiences we have learned to love each other more. I know you have my back, I see it because the universe shows me the same. I know you want me to succeed deep down because I often have mysterious blessings.
Mom, you are my guide. You have shown me how the universe operates, I have learned to choose wisely and I thank you for the experience. You actually have the biggest heart and I hope I have taught you to be open to love. Maybe one day you’ll see what I have understood and see through my eyes and heart.
Mom, our relationship is growing and we are creating our bond and I thank you.
May Love and Light guide you home….